This second lockdown has dragged on somewhat...and there's good reason which I shall explain in a moment. I had thought living in the woods would leave me pretty much bomb proof from Covid 19. OK, I go out to the shops, but our local supermarket is quite militant...in a 'strict teacher' way. In addition to the enforcement of wearing a face mask, the chap on the door also hands out a disposable cleaning wipe for your hands and shopping basket handles; he watches you like a hawk to ensure you do it properly - as a result, I've always felt pretty safe shopping there.
Before the virus struck I was feeling pretty hacked off. Christmas had been cancelled, the rain was incessant which made coppicing difficult and the 6 Nations was still 6 weeks away. You can imagine my particular joy when a large unexpected parcel arrived. Inside was a certificate and many woodland/outdoor type gifts.
I must point out that I have never won a certificate. My schooling was from a different era to now. When my kids were at primary school they would get a certificate for simply turning up each week....you could paper their bedrooms with the plethora of useless certificates handed to them.
I do remember winning the gymnastics cup at school when I was 12 though. It was a brand new discipline. The recently appointed PE Teacher, Mr Humphries from Cardiff, was a gymnast; he started doing sponsored runs to raise money for the gym and within 6 weeks we had the finest Gymnasium in the land. Not only was the man welsh, he was a really hard bastard. He was convinced we were all 'soft' and needed knocking into shape.
" You're the biggest bunch of fairies I've ever seen!" he would repeat every lesson in his thick welsh dialect.
Most of the pain from each lesson resulted from doing forward rolls on the hard floor. Unless you could really control the move, it would bruise your neck. I do remember one fateful morning when Nigel Apps, the fat kid (who would actually be considered normal weight now!) was called out by Mr Humphries to stand at the front of the class. He then produced a letter from his tracksuit pocket that he had received that morning from Nigel's mother. The gist of the contents, as you have already guessed, were that Mrs Apps felt the PE lessons were a little too tough for her son...he was a more academic type and going forward could he be excused from PE. Having finished reading the letter to the whole class, Mr Humphries made Nigel Apps do 50 consecutive forward rolls whilst shouting "Anyone else feel they want to tell mummy? you big bunch of fairieeees!" To my knowledge, Mr Humphries never received anymore letters and Nigel became quite adept at forward rolls.
Anyway, since gymnastics was a new discipline there was no official cup or medal to hand on. Despite reassurances that one was on it's way it never arrived, so my name has never been engraved anywhere.....hopefully my tombstone won't let me down.
Here rests in peace "Johnnie The Woodsman" ....never won f*ck all!
Back to the award; Woodlands.co.uk mainly sell woodlands to private buyers. Typically in 10 acre lots; there's a huge woodland owners community in the UK . Woodlands.co.uk tap into this resource and run yearly competitions.....'best Woodland Blog', 'Best Woodland Photography'etc....you get the drift. Anyway, this year there was a new category, 'Best Woodland Instagram account'. So thank you to all those kind folk who nominated me because not only is it a new category....there is actually a prize and a certificate....not like in 1978.
“The best woodland Instagram site is, in my opinion, @johnniethewoodsman. A story in pictures of a change of pace and direction from living in a busy town to living, working and planning a life at one with nature.” Woodlands.co.uk
So after all the highs of receiving an award I was promptly felled by Covid 19. I did feel pretty safe living the woods...where did I catch it? From a leaf? a squirrel? No, from my wife. As a community nurse she had been redirected to help out in the nursing homes as all the staff were sick. Three weeks later she came home ill swiftly followed by myself. It took nearly 4 weeks to shake off - interestingly, although we had the same virus we had completely different symptoms. There was only one scare; when my blood oxygen levels dropped to 93 when they should be 99....apparently at 92 it's off to hospital time!
The drier weather has arrived so it's back to more forestry fun. Lots to report on some rare creatures that we recently captured on our trail cam and plans for the summer.
In the meantime, if Nigel Apps or Mr Humphries are out there, I'd love to hear from you. I would also love to hear from anyone who has won something but never actually got their prize.....we can be like brothers in arms.